Blessed quiver-full
A couple of years ago, I was preaching a sermon, and one of my points was that children are a blessing from the Lord. I’m sure I said a lot of other things in that sermon, but at the end, a young, visiting couple came to the front of the chapel to speak to me. They were very much convicted about the importance of children and told me that they had never heard a sermon where someone said in a forthright manner that children are a blessing from the Lord. Frankly, this shook me, for it is the clear teaching of the Bible that children are a gift and blessing from God.
When it comes to passages like Psalm 127, Christian couples are faced with a very practical and personal question: How many children should we have? This is not a question that couples in previous generations could even consider. But modern methods of birth control mean that it is a question our generation must confront.
On this matter, deep wisdom is called for. To run the risk of offending almost everyone, let me suggest that three unacceptable options are often presented.
Three errors
The first unacceptable option is to feel it is our Christian duty to devote all of our efforts to simply having as many children as possible. Now please note that I am absolutely not saying it is wrong to have a large—or even a very large—family! I am saying we are mistaken if we believe that our main goal in life is to have as many children as possible. In some places, there is an unhealthy competition to have the biggest family, with bragging rights going to the parents with the most children. This is usually accompanied by absolute scorn and dismissal of anyone who suggests that unrestricted fertility is sometimes unwise. But sometimes it is unwise. Perhaps the family is dealing with genuine poverty. Perhaps the parents are utterly overwhelmed. Perhaps some of the children have special health issues and require a large amount of extra time and attention. In these cases, the parents need to pray for wisdom (Jas. 1:5). It may also be appropriate for the parents to seek counsel from their local church elders.
That being said, it is much more common for Christians to desire to have fewer children. This can manifest itself in different ways. Occasionally, it is suggested that couples who are deeply involved in ministry should not have any children, so as to make more opportunity for them to use their time in Christian service. This is unacceptable because it puts Christian service in an artificial greenhouse, completely separated from real life and the ministry opportunities that family life can bring. Besides, for those contemplating ministry in places that children cannot be brought, God has already provided the answer in Matthew 19:12.
The final unacceptable option is to simply follow the practice of our society and have 1.8 children because that is what is acceptable to an unsaved world. This is certainly the easiest option because it is always easy for Christians to blend into the world. Follow what is acceptable to the world, and you will never need a mini-van, never need to rent two hotel rooms, and never need to put more than one child in a bedroom. But the practices of this world are not to be the default option for the Christian (Rom. 12:2).
A balanced suggestion
Each of these options is flawed. Indeed I would say that each of these options will make for weak churches and families because each represents an unbiblical extreme. So what is a biblical view of children? How do we understand the totality of Scripture, including passages like Psalm 127? I would suggest that without stating a particular number, acknowledging that different couples have different abilities and limitations, Christians should have as many children as they are able to. The “right” number of children will depend on the specific grace and role that God has given you.
Of course this sounds quite fine until I let the other shoe drop by asking, “Is God calling you to have more children?” To have as many children as you are able does not mean to have as many children as you are comfortable with. It does not mean having as many children as you can afford while still maintaining your lifestyle. This could mean a frank re-evaluation of your life. Maybe you need to push the bounds of what you think you are able to do. Maybe this is a matter that you should put to earnest prayer.
That being said, we must be extremely sensitive to the fact that some Christians are not able to have children. This is a biological or medical reality. There are many believers who would desperately love to have children, but have so far been unable to, and this can cause them great pain. We should be particularly supportive of these dear saints.
The blessings
Psalm 127 tells us what our attitude towards children should be: we should view them as a blessing. We live in a world in which children are often viewed as a burden. Sometimes this thinking seeps into the minds of believers. Christians, above all others, ought to appreciate what a tremendous gift children are.
When engaging in spiritual warfare, Christian parents have a powerful weapon available in their children. True, when the children are very young, they need constant nurture and protection. But as they get older, these children can be of great service to the church. They can share their faith, teach Sunday School, play the piano, visit the sick and elderly, work physically to meet the needs of the saints, babysit for parents who need a break, contribute financially to the Lord’s work, and serve in a thousand other ways. Eventually they can have their own quiver full of arrows.
Furthermore, children teach us. We learn from their simple, profound faith (Mk. 10:14f); we learn from their wonder and joy in creation and life; we learn as they ask questions; and we learn as we turn to the Lord seeking His wisdom and strength to properly care for the precious stewardship He has entrusted to us.
Finally, consider the joy that comes from children themselves. Raising children is not easy. There will be many ups and downs. There may even be heartbreak.
But there is the joy of seeing their smiles, as they learn, as they first start to understand spiritual truth for themselves, when they are saved, and as we watch them grow in faith.
Children are a priceless gift. “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”