Am I aiming high enough?
In our last column, we considered the fact that as wonderful as it is to have saved, moral children, that is but the beginning of their lives of faith. The Lord desires that we raise our children to enjoy a vibrant, transforming relationship with Him and to be whole-heartedly involved in His work. Leadership in the home entails the father’s God-given responsibility to foster spiritual life, fruit, growth, devotion, and service in his family. To this end, we should ask ourselves two questions.
Is my primary goal for my children secular or spiritual?
Many parents are eager to see their children succeed academically, athletically, artistically, or materially. But what about spiritually? “Of course I want to see my children prosper spiritually!” we say. Good, but that isn’t the point. The point is, do we want to see them prosper spiritually more that we want to see them prosper in other areas? Does our desire to see them prosper spiritually eclipse all of those lesser goals, and are we working to that end? Consider some examples:
Do I invest more time, money, and effort in my children’s hobbies than I invest in their spiritual lives? Do they see a passion in me for their hobbies that exceeds my passion for their spiritual growth?
If I allow my children to miss meetings for reasons that wouldn’t justify their missing other activities (like school), I’m teaching them that spiritual service is of secondary importance. When my children’s other activities conflict with assembly meetings, what is characteristically given the priority? Allowing them to regularly miss meetings for other activities (like a part-time job) is teaching them, albeit unintentionally, that spiritual matters are optional in life and need only be engaged in when we don’t have more important things to do.
Children are uncomfortably perceptive. They notice what we give precedence to and draw conclusions from that about what we value most.
Have I set my sights high enough?
Have you ever considered that it is possible to have a spiritual goal that still falls short? We are deeply burdened about their salvation, and rightly so! We are also eager to see morality produced in them, and that, too, is certainly a noble and essential goal. But do we go beyond these first steps?
Paul’s desire was first that people be saved, but then that they press on to maturity. He speaks of such maturity as Christ-likeness. “My little children, of whom I travail in birth again until Christ be formed in you” (Gal. 4:19). He longed to see believers grow spiritually and he labored—hard—to that end.
But we have a greater example than Paul. Our heavenly Father has shown us what real fatherhood is and He, too, describes His purpose for us in terms of Christlikeness. It is His desire that we be conformed to the image of His Son (Rom. 8:29). Galatians 4 contrasts children (vv. 1-3) with sons (vv. 4-7). Sonship refers to that maturity of role and character that is seen in those who are no longer merely children. Our Father wants His children to grow and prosper spiritually.
Once our children are saved—and, in many cases, that occurs at a very young age—do we have definite further spiritual desires for our children? Or are we aimless, hoping in some vague way that they will do well spiritually, but not even clear in our own minds as to what that might mean? The Lord may graciously overrule and enable our children to grow beyond the goals we have for them. But surely the path to spiritual growth in their lives will be smoother if our desires for them are in line with the Lord’s.
Let us, as fathers, honestly examine the true nature of the goals we have for our children. Can we truly say that we desire them to prosper spiritually above all else? If so, are we working to that end? Such spiritual leadership is necessary in all fathers. But it is particularly necessary in elders, for a man who is unconcerned or unable to foster spiritual growth in his own house will not be able to encourage it in the house of God.