Instructions for the care and preservation of elders
People never visit the elders!” Familiar words perhaps, but seldom heard in that order.
“‘People never visit the elders,’ you say. Why should we? They are the ones who are supposed to do the visiting.” But, as part of a spiritual family, do we not have a responsibility for each other’s spiritual and emotional health? Are elders and their families not part of the family?
Have we ever considered what it takes to be an elder? Paul gives us a list of the qualifications in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9 and, scattered throughout his writings, his own example.
What does it take to meet and keep these qualifications? It takes a history of meeting them! These qualifications are not suddenly gained. An elder must have prepared himself for the work and the evidence should be there. When someone is added to the oversight, it should not come as a surprise.
Consider the pressure these requirements place on the elder and his family and the strain we may place on him while he tries to maintain these standards. Then consider what we can do to support them.
An elder must be blameless, etc.
Elders sometimes make bad decisions, but what is in view here is wrongdoing, either inside or outside the assembly. A man with a bad reputation is not fit to care for the flock, but any charge brought against an elder must be substantiated by witnesses before it can be acted on, and it must be acted on quickly. If we value the principle of the rule of elders, are we praying regularly that ours will be preserved from sin and from false and spurious accusations? Don’t forget that a false accusation in one assembly can quickly be accepted as being fact elsewhere.
Given to hospitality
Originally commanded for the care and support of poor or traveling Christians, it still has its place today and is a logical part of the care of God’s flock. Week after week people come to services and go home to an empty house to eat alone and wait for the next service. Some young people go back to a godless home or university and would dearly love some Christian company. Time spent around the kitchen table gives a chance to become acquainted with people and their needs that the few minutes after a service never can. Some have never seen Christian hospitality practiced as they grew up and now, as young couples, may need to be shown how it is done.
Hospitality is a difficult requirement for an elder to meet. Since it requires sacrifice, it cannot be done alone. It requires a wife and family that are likeminded. The cost comes out of the family budget. The wife usually has the responsibility for the care and appearance of the home and also the purchase and preparation of any meals. If all of the hospitality falls to a couple of elders’ families, it can place heavy restrictions on them.
Many elders are now retired with reduced incomes; their wives have aged along with them and may be finding it harder to do what once was easy. Younger elders have as difficult a time as we do raising their family in today’s economy. Do we ever think of sharing with them in this ministry? More importantly, do we ever invite an elder’s family for a meal just to give his wife a break?
An elder’s wife
Elders and their wives often have few friends in their own assembly. This is not by choice, but because others tend to look at them as a group apart and think that to socialize with elders will bring themselves under constant examination with any confidences shared becoming the property of the elders to be acted on immediately. Elders need our friendship and help in everyday things.
Do we ever pray for the wives of our elders? Do you ladies ever think of caring for them? Their lives are different from yours. An elder can be busy many nights of the week, and he often leaves a lonely wife and family at home. She would like to lead a normal life, too. Since her husband frequently has the car, you may need to drive to her place to spend time with her or to take her out of the house for a coffee. However, remember that “Wife of an Elder” is not an official position in the church, so please do not try to involve her in the decision making process or seek information from her. A wise elder does not discuss assembly problems outside the oversight.
An elder’s children
We should pray for the elders’ children. An assembly can survive with more than its share of problem families, but an elder cannot. Help him by being a friend and encouragement to his children. If an elder is overburdened with the care of the assembly to the extent that his children feel neglected, it may be that they will refuse to take responsibility when their time comes. Who then will care for your children and grandchildren?
We should never criticize an elder in the hearing of our children. The elders’ children need our children as friends, not as critics and enemies. It is unrealistic to say that we should never criticize an elder, because sometimes they do make bad decisions, but our criticism should be made personally, in private, and with grace. Most elders will appreciate that we care enough about them to do that.
An elder and his family are often expected to live above the standard we accept for others. Somehow his wife and children are expected to be perfect. That is not a practical expectation but if you believe it is, then you have a responsibility to help them meet and maintain it.
An elder’s work
The work of an elder is shepherding us in spiritual and moral matters, comforting and supporting us in times of trouble, teaching us the Word of God, helping to develop our God-given spiritual gifts, and providing opportunity for their use. Along with all that, he may have to work at least a forty-hour week just the same as the rest of us. So, have we considered taking more responsibility for our own and our family’s spiritual maturity by taking on a deeper study of Scripture than we have in the past, and attending the meetings we and our family may have been missing? Elders want to be able to give an account of their care of the flock with joy. It would help them if we brought some joy into their lives now by showing results from their ministry.
Solving family and assembly problems often give elders months of patient work, and, even then, they may not be successful. The emotional strain on the elders as they try to help and, if possible, limit damage to the assembly, calls for our prayers on a daily basis, because if they are doing their work properly, we may never know when a problem exists.
Along with all this, the elder must be able to teach and he needs time to study. That, along with the time spent in the care of the church, places a heavy burden on him, his wife, and his family. Practical help might be appreciated at times.
“As go the elders, so goes the assembly”
Even an assembly with a majority of good elders can experience problems and decline, but there is little hope for one with a majority of poor elders. Elders are human and do not perform at their maximum all the time. A plurality of elders allows for the smoothing out of low points, but if the majority of the elders are not functioning in a spiritual way, disaster will result. God gives ample evidence that He holds elders responsible for how they care for His flock. I believe He holds us responsible for our response to the spiritual leadership of our elders. If we want a spiritually healthy assembly for our family to grow up in, we should start caring for our elders and their families. Paul valued the prayers and practical help of the Lord’s people. So do our eiders. Our prayers and actions may be the things that will make the difference; that is, if we believe in prayer and are spiritual enough to act!
Don’t let it be said in your assembly that, “People never visit the elders!”