Lingering on the Brink

My name is Dennis LeBlanc and I am a student at Acadia University in Nova Scotia, Canada.

I was raised in a happy home by Christian parents in a town called St. Stephen in the province of New Brunswick. From a very young age I learned of the Lord Jesus Christ and how He had come into the world to die for sinners so we could be saved. I never had any trouble believing this, nor did I have trouble believing the fact that I was a sinner and that if I did not receive the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour, I would spend eternity separated from God in “the lake of fire” (Rev. 20:10-15).

Seeing I believed this, it would have been more than logical for me to have repented and trusted Christ as my Saviour. Instead, foolishly, I concluded that I had all the time in the world. Like many, I decided to put it off until a little later. I had professed to have been saved one evening when I was seven, but never really repented of my sinful ways.

Growing up in Canada, I, like most boys, enjoyed hockey. My first year of high school, I made the varsity team and my life suddenly became more complicated. I was introduced to many of the “pleasures” of the world, and had to choose whether to partake of them or not. Against my better judgment, the majority of the time I followed the crowd.

As I became more involved in sin (drinking, drugs, etc.), I began to realize more and more the emptiness of it all. My “friends” during high school seemed to be perfectly happy with this lifestyle, but I could never enjoy it as they did, because in the back of my mind I knew that I was on the broad road to destruction (Mt. 7:13-14). I knew I was not saved.

Many nights I would wake up and tiptoe to my parents’ bedroom to make sure they were still there. I was terrified that the Lord would return, taking my parents and all other Christians to heaven, leaving me behind (1 Thess. 4:14-17). This caused me much distress, as I knew that the only people who really loved me were the Lord’s people. The thought of being left behind in a world where no one loved me was dreadful. Still, I continued to neglect the loving call of the Saviour.

In my senior year of high school, I received a scholarship for hockey/ academics to Sacred Heart University in Connecticut. I accepted, and headed for Connecticut in August, 1995. I had convinced myself that, because I was going to play NCAA hockey, I would have to stop living the way I was, and “clean up my life.” I soon learned that it was not that easy. My roommate was entangled in the same lifestyle I was. Instead of cleaning up my life, I became worse.

I was increasingly miserable. I realized I had tried just about everything the world has to offer, and not only was it entirely empty–I was trapped! Very often (when we weren’t sober) I would bring up the Bible and put a scare into my friends by telling them about God’s plan of salvation, and how we were all on our way to hell. I would talk lightly about it to my friends, but the truth was, God was dealing with me.

I returned home the following summer and lived with my parents. I opted not to return to Connecticut for my second year, but transferred to the university I attend now. I again planned to turn over a new leaf.

Of course it didn’t happen. I found a new circle of friends. I was now thinking about being saved almost every night, and having frequent discussions about it with a close friend of mine.

I went home for Christmas break and over the course of the break, a couple of things really spoke to me, making me realize that I was nothing special, just a helpless sinner who had made a mess of his life.

The first incident happened around December 27. A number of my friends and I had a little get-together. I had no extra money, so when they decided to gamble I at first refrained, until someone offered to give me five dollars to play. This seemed fine because I planned to win money, and after all, if I lost, it wasn’t my five dollars to begin with.

Within the first ten minutes, I was challenged to gamble on quite a large sum of money. I gambled and lost. It was a sizable amount (for a college student), and I didn’t have it.

This had a different effect on me than one would expect. As I sat back in shock, and looked around the room at my pitiful assortment of friends, I suddenly realized that I was the one who was pitiful. I had always thought I was a little bit above my friends, but that evening for the first time it hit me that I was just as bad, if not worse than the whole lot of them. I was no better than the worst of sinners. I had become a slave to the very things I used to despise in others.

It also became clear to me that night that each one that was in the room with me felt the very same about themselves. They were all under the impression that they weren’t as bad as the person next to them.

On December 30, three others and I decided to head for New York City so we could spend New Year’s Eve in Time’s Square. On the afternoon of December 31, we were in Greenwich Village, in a little hippie store, looking at T-shirts. As we glanced through the shirts, I came across a “Smashing Pumpkins” shirt, my favorite band at the time. The front of the shirt had a print of the globe on it, with small heads spiraling into the center of the earth, and on the forehead of each face there was a bar code.

This shirt was a shocking reminder to me of the fearful events that the Bible speaks about, which will be the plight of those who have never trusted the Lord Jesus as their personal Saviour. I knew that those who had trusted Christ would be caught up with Him before this awful tribulation comes upon the world. But as I stood there contemplating these things, I also knew that if the Lord returned prior to me repenting and accepting His free salvation, I would be left behind with no hope, having missed out on eternal life. What a fool I was, choosing misery over God’s joyful salvation, toying with my eternal soul, knowing I was on my way to a lost eternity!

The events of the Christmas break had brought me just about to the end of myself. The Lord was working on my hardened heart, but I still didn’t want to surrender. The first two weeks back at school I went on a binge, trying to put out of my mind the fact that the God I had tried to elude was speaking to me.

All these events culminated when my good friend and I sat in his room at about midnight. I told him all that was on my mind. We agreed that our lives were empty, and we were not satisfied. There was a Bible in his room, and I began to read out the many gospel verses that I knew. I determined that night that I was not going one step further in life until I knew it was well with my soul.

I finally fell asleep that night, exhausted, but the following day I found a Christian chatline on the Internet. I spent the next three days and nights talking to people online, crying out many times in tears to the Lord to save me. The people on the chatline were sending me verses, one of which particularly spoke to me: “But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered” (Lk. 12:7). I was overwhelmed that the Lord Jesus Christ loved me so much. I was thrilled that He thought about me at all. But He knew all about me, and how many times I had rejected His love. Still He loved me.

On the evening of January 15, after an hour-long telephone conversation with my uncle as he explained how to trust and believe, I realized that I didn’t have to do anything, except rest in what the Bible says. John 6:37 states, “Him that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.” Since Jesus died in my place on the Cross, if I came to Him, He would never cast me out! I had come to Him! I knew I was saved! I was so joyful (and still am)! I was certain all my sins had been forgiven; they were forever gone. I was free! Free from my old life, free from the penalty of sin.

The Lord Jesus has been true to His Word, that “If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Cor. 5:17). He has transformed my life, and made me an entirely new person, with new desires to please the One who has done so much for me.

What about you? Have you ever repented of your sin? Have you taken God’s side against yourself, agreeing with Him that you are lost and need the Saviour? The Bible says, “God now commandeth all men everywhere to repent” (Acts 17:30), and that, “Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish” (Lk. 13:3). Maybe you’re planning to be saved someday, but not right now. God says, “Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth” (Prov. 27:1). There is not a moment to lose! “Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation” (2 Cor. 6:2). Why not receive Him as your personal Saviour right now, simply by “repentance toward God, and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ” (Acts 20:21). Your only regret will be: “Why didn’t I do it sooner?”

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