In September of 1978, I was nineteen but it seemed I was going on forty. I had lived my young life in debauchery. No sin was too great to attempt. Yet God had divine intentions for me, intentions of grace and love.
I went to a local Baptist church on September 2, 1978, where I heard a message on the new birth; having the chance to begin life anew, with no stains on the record of our lives. I was spell-bound. Many times I had dreamed of such a chance.
At that service, wanting desperately to be freed from sin and its bondage, I trusted Christ as my Saviour. With all my heart I turned from sin to God. Immediately the Lord began to dramatically change me. Within two weeks I was going to the local county jail, trying to win souls, and telling folks on the sidewalk about Christ.
Folks at church began to tell me I was “called to preach.” While I really wanted to serve the Lord, this troubled me. I felt many were saying this due to the somewhat spectacular nature of my conversion from an awful life of sin. Nevertheless, in 1981, being firmly convinced God had indeed called me to preach, my wife and I left for Bob Jones University, where I enrolled as a ministerial student.
In 1987, ordained into the ministry at our church, I sold my business. We left for Kankakee, IL, where we planted an independent, fundamental Baptist church.
Many things deeply troubled me about what I had been taught was “the ministry,” commonly known as the pastorate. For one, I could not see this in the Bible. In 1989, I resigned this pulpit with the church owning a building, having grown well and in general, thriving.
I began to travel, preaching at independent, fundamental Baptist churches throughout the state of Illinois, into Wisconsin, and as far as South Carolina. This continued for the next six years, all the while with me searching for New Testament truth regarding the church and the ministry.
Eventually I decided to stop this itinerant ministry. I truly felt I should not be doing it without being firmly established in my conscience in the matter. I began to search the Internet for Bible study related sites. There was no one at church or peers in the ministry in whom I could confide my feelings; I feared the impression of weakness and indecision, eventually questioning my salvation. It was a grievously trying time for me.
Ultimately, the Lord led me to the Internet site of Jamie Martin. At this site I found solid, doctrinally trustworthy material, which eased my fears about expressing concerns to him, concerns not only about the ministry but our current church situation as well. I reasoned that he was hundreds of miles from me and couldn’t know anyone I know.
For the first time in my Christian life I was faced by someone who would and could successfully challenge views I held, all in a helpful, constructive way. I began to search the Scriptures with a voracious appetite, searching diligently for all truth regarding the church.
Soon, coupled with helpful literature from Jamie and from brethren nearby whom God had wonderfully brought into the scenario, I could plainly see that God wanted our family away from the system we had always known and loved as “church.”
I wrote a letter to our pastor and the deacon board, stating clearly our intentions to leave the church and what we had come to see as a “system.” Our move was not kindly received, much misinformation and some hurtful half-truths being told regarding our departure. Our girls were stunned when I told them the day after I delivered the letter to the pastor and deacons.
I remember thinking, “What have I done?!” On that first Lord’s day, I wondered what we would do; should I get a sermon out of the files? I left the issue with God. We met in our home in humble simplicity and sincere dependence on the grace of God for help for several months.
Ultimately, the group of brethren with whom we now fellowship began to loom large in our spirits as being those with whom the Lord would have us unite in fellowship. For over one year now, we have met with the brethren in Villa Grove, Illinois. We have sweet, precious meetings, dear and fulfilling. We lack the trappings and outward structure of an organized, systematized church. We have no pastor; meeting simply around the Lord Jesus. Often meetings on the Lord’s day will last around twelve hours, in glorious worship, singing, teaching, and fellowship.
Before the Father could lead my family in this direction, I had to be willing to be led. When I was willing, He led us into a greater knowledge of His presence. For nearly 20 years of Christian living I had insisted on my way, based on my understanding. It only led to a feeble sort of living in grace. Although I had been known as “Pastor Rogers.” I was no leader, for, in reality I was not allowing myself to be led by the good hand of the Lord Jesus.
I now am beginning to understand some New Testament truths and principles and the impact of either their neglect or acceptance. It has been difficult to maintain a dignified silence. I have at times wanted to go to every believer I’ve ever known in the systems of Christendom, telling them to repent and return to Christ in fullness of blessing.
But again, who should lead, me or Him? My desire for good, or His will? May God grant all of His own more light and grace.