Some years ago in a cartoon strip Charlie Brown commented after losing a ball game, “How could we lose when we were so sincere?” Maybe you have felt the same way.
Deliberate Sins
It may be that you have committed serious sin, deliberate, willful rebellion against the laws of God. Sin weighs on the conscience like a heavy mill stone. With David you cry out, “My sin is ever before me!” (Ps. 51:3) It may be adultery, like David, or a dishonest business deal, or a lie that was very destructive. You lie awake at night, tossing and turning, wishing you could live that scene over again and do what is right. But it is done and the memory eats like a canker at your soul.
Do what David did: Confess your sin to God and to those you wronged. “I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against Thee, Thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Thy sight” (Ps. 51:3-4). Spell it out in all of its lurid details to God. Confess your sin; do not cover it.
Then you must believe that God has forgiven you, that the blood of Jesus cleanses from all sin (1 Jn. 1:7). Christ’s death has sufficient value to atone for the sins of the whole world (1 Jn. 2:2). Surely your sins then, heavy though they may seem to you, are covered by His blood. In faith claim God’s promise and cling to the cross for forgiveness. Allow the love and forgiveness of God to bathe your soul. The only source of healing from sin is at the cross.
But someone will say, “I believe God has forgiven me but I cannot forgive myself.” You cannot seem to get beyond your past and failure; you have to live with certain consequences that tear at your soul. It may be a ruined marriage or destroyed health. Sin can be forgiven but certain earthly consequences have to be endured.
A person must remember that when the Lord forgives, He does not bring up the failure again. “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us” (Ps. 103:12). When Satan would come with his accusations and torment your soul, you must cling to God’s Word and bid the Accuser depart. And with God’s help you can forget the things that are behind and press on in the Christian race toward Christ (Phil. 3:13). As we discipline our minds not to dwell on the past, the memories will recede. With God’s help and the support of His people our thoughts can be brought “into captivity to the obedience of Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5). Blessed submission!
Mistakes
Besides deliberate sins–known sins–there are sins of ignorance. The law provided offerings for such: “If you sin unintentionally, and do not observe all these commandments which the Lord has spoken to Moses” (Num. 15:22). It is possible to do certain things contrary to God’s Word simply because one is ignorant. A Christian woman married an unbeliever and knew the heartache of a divided home which finally ruptured in divorce. She said, “Oh, if only someone had told me what the Bible says about marriage to unbelievers!” The blood of sacrifice was needed under the Old Covenant and today the blood of Christ cleanses from all sin. But one may still have to live with certain consequences of his action.
One may make certain poor choices. Hindsight is always better than foresight! In marriage both may be Christians but still are not an equal yoke, a compatible team. Their spiritual vision may not be the same; their temperaments too radically different. When considering marriage, it is wise to get the advice of parents and of elders in your fellowship. “In the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Prov. 11:14).
This is also true concerning one’s choice of a trade or profession. Get advice that will point you toward spiritual values. Do not allow money to be your sole criterion.
When you chose the location where you will live and bring up your family, be careful. Again do not be too proud to take the advice of spiritual men and women. Be sure you live near an assembly of Christians with whom you can be wholehearted in your fellowship. Climate and recreation should not be first in one’s thinking. Many a family has later regretted a wrong move.
But you say, “I have made mistakes; it is too late to change those choices.” Once again one can confess his error and ask forgiveness. Then it is time to do what is right and trust God to overrule the failure. “We know that all things work together for good to them that love God” (Rom. 8:28). Perhaps your marriage was not the best. Trust God to make it beautiful as you respond in a right way towards your spouse. Determine to love God and obey His Word. Healing and blessing can come into relationships.
Tragedies
At times the cruel blows of life leave one feeling like Job, “May the day perish on which I was born.” Life can become a fearful burden and one can even long for death.
It may be that some accident or illness has left you permanently handicapped. Life used to be simple; now every move is an effort. A friend was in a car accident with a train. His wife was instantly killed; he was left paralyzed. His first question when he became conscious was, “Why?” He longed for death. His daughter, who is nine years old, weeps for her mother. Why, indeed? Guilt tears at his soul. If only he had been more careful.
It may be a terminal illness. At times this may have been caused by one’s carelessness or abuse of his body, perhaps in unsaved days. If only I had been wearing my seat belt! If only I had not been drinking!
But at times there is a degenerating illness that just happens. It is part of living in a fallen world that is marked by sin, illness, and death. One may be living for God and become deathly ill or crippled. The temptation may be to accuse God: “Why did You do this to me?” One must resist this temptation and realize that God is not the source of evil or pain. Paul spoke of his physical problem as a “messenger of Satan.” Job was troubled by Satan “who went out from the presence of the Lord and struck Job with painful boils.” In such circumstances one must ask God for the grace to endure and to respond in a godly way.
Divorce can be worse than the death of spouse. One may feel it could have been averted if only he had been more loving and considerate. The sense of rejection and failure can be overwhelming. If every effort has been made for reconciliation and still there is rejection, one must learn to accept the divorce and determine to go on for the Lord. The soothing love and acceptance of God’s people can do wonders in healing. Find healing too in helping others who are struggling with the problems of life.
One may know the deep sorrow of a child that wanders far from God. Perhaps your son in his rebellion has become sexually promiscuous or a homosexual. A daughter has become involved in drinking or drugs and is breaking your heart. In this fragmented, confused society many are choosing a lifestyle that is utterly destructive. As a parent, you feel a load of guilt and responsibility. Maybe you are responsible for the tragedy of your child’s life….
As Christian parents we must train our children as best we can. There needs to be loving discipline in the home and the daily reading of God’s Word. A family should be faithful in attendance at their local church and seek Christian friends for their children.
While children are young, parents can control them and make choices for them. However, as they reach their teen years and finally leave home, parents come to realize that their control is gone. They can pray and can give advice, if it is requested. But they cannot enforce obedience.
While it is true that environment and training influence decisions, the Bible does not teach a determinism, where every person’s decisions are determined by the experiences of life. Ultimately what a person does is the result of his choice and he may choose to go against his training or experience in life.
Each one of us is responsible for his own choices and will give account to God for them. We must do all we can to be a positive influence in the lives of others, but we cannot take responsibility for their choices. The man whose wife leaves him for another man should not continue to carry a load of guilt for the failure of his marriage. Parents who have children that have made poor choices should not constantly feel a load of guilt. This denies others their true personhood and responsibility as made in the image of God. Know God’s forgiveness for your own failures but allow others the dignity of responsibility for their choices and actions. “So then each of us shall give account of himself to God” (Rom. 14:12; cf. Ezek. 18:20).
The Love of God
Self occupation is miserable business. To be looking back constantly and dwelling upon one’s failures is not constructive. By God’s grace we must learn to accept God’s forgiveness and begin to enjoy His love and acceptance. Paul rejoiced in the love of God and declared that nothing “shall separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:39). God’s love is a healing balm poured into the wounds of sin. It enables one to realize that life is worth living and that he can be a blessing and help to others.
“One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13-14).