There are times in our lives when we find ourselves faced with a crisis, when we are at a crossroad in our Christian experience. Times when we learn much about ourselves, and much more about God. Times when we find perplexity and uncertainty envelop us, when we find ourselves in the dark, groping for some glimmer of light to guide us on our way. Times of depression, discouragement and disillusionment.
Those who have passed this way appreciate the counsel and sympathy of those who have traveled the same road before, and it is this that prompts me to tell this story from my personal experience in the earnest hope that those passing this way may be comforted and encouraged, and that my experience might be instructive to those planning a career in the business world.
It was in the year 1983 that I found myself rudely thrust into a vortex of change that was to carry me helplessly in its grip for a period of almost three years. For more than 30 years I had enjoyed almost complete job security and satisfaction, and had attained a management post in my profession.
Suddenly I found myself in the midst of a corporate takeover, with all of the turmoil and stress that this can bring. From a human point of view, the changes worked in my favor. I found myself appointed to a senior post in the structure of the corporation, with responsibility for mega-million dollar expansion projects throughout the country. The post had all of the elements that excite the interest of the man of the world. Power, perks, control, travel, contacts with the powerful and influential in the business world, and in government. It was only after the initial excitement and euphoria had died down, that it became evident that there was a heavy price to pay for all of this.
The post demanded every power, every energy, every waking moment–in essence, it demanded everything. I can honestly say that there was never a moment when I consciously decided to neglect spiritual things. Never a moment when I decided that I would sacrifice the precious things of assembly and family fellowship for a career. Yet all of these things happened, not as a result of deliberate choice, but because the web of circumstance spun its chains around me–all softly and subtly at first, but before I knew what had happened, I was entangled.
For a short period, I tried to balance the overwhelming demands of the business world with the busy itinerant ministry that the Lord had given to me, and in which I had been engaged since my early youth. Then the crisis struck, when I suffered a severe stress reaction when attempting to engage in some public activity in the assembly.
At that point, I entered a dark phase of my life that saw me quite unable to function spiritually in public in any way, and this led to a deepening of the depression and darkness that seemed to envelope me during those days. Surprisingly, I was able to function with efficiency in the business sector, but spiritually I was not able to discharge the gift the Lord had given me. I had suffered a complete spiritual “burnout.”
During those dark days, many kind, well-meaning souls tried to help, but all to no avail. The situation seemed frighteningly irreversible. Then one night, sitting in the nightly traffic jam on the north side of Toronto, the moment of decision came to me. It seemed the Lord was saying to me, “This is your life–dead stopped in the passing lane.”
I began to challenge myself as to what changes I would make in my life if I had possession of information that the Lord was going to return exactly one year from that moment. This thought hit me like a thunderbolt. Suddenly, I saw that I was living for the wrong world. It occurred to me that I was putting all of my energies into a system that would one day go up in smoke, and that rather than give all of my talents and powers to the corporation, I should be spending them for Christ. At that moment, I made a conscious decision that I would leave the post which I held. Immediately, a great peace flooded my soul.
The transition from decision to implementation was not taken hurriedly. The apostle could say that he “counted” all things but loss for Christ, before he tells us that he “suffered” the loss. It was important that such a decision should only be taken after I had gone through all of the scenarios in my mind. For example, how would I feel if I was terminated? This was a real possibility. Also, if I was retained, how would I face the loss of prestige, power, and perks that the present job offered? How would I take the seeming loss of face that colleagues might see this demotion to be? How would I take the loss of my office suite and the transition down the corporate ladder?
It was only after “counting” such costs that I decided to go forward with “suffering” the loss, and one evening just before Christmas, 1985, when all of my staff had gone home for the night, I walked along the corridor to the Executive Director’s office and told him of my decision. He was surprisingly kind about it all, and told me that he wasn’t surprised, because he believed that I would be much happier back with my church and my family, as he put it, rather than continue in my present post. He also promised to do all that he could within his power to find me a suitable post at some lower level in the organization.
Almost immediately, the effects of my decision were realized. All of the trappings of senior office were stripped away, and I was bereft of all of these things. I was relocated in a small, dingy office far removed from the opulent surroundings in the corporate suites that I had so recently enjoyed. There were moments when the pain of loss was severe. But, ah, what bliss! The vain struggle was now over. The constant, never-ending harassments of the business world had now gone, and a great peace filled my soul. Now I belonged to Him again. Now I was His bondslave, and not the bondslave of men. The chains of my servitude had been broken and I was free to be His and His alone. Once more I surrendered my poor self at His nail-pierced feet, and asked Him to restore the years that the locust had eaten.
The healing of the scars suffered during these years did not take place immediately. It was a slow process, but early in the path to recovery, the Lord gave me a token of things to come when my dear local brethren, detecting a measure of recovery, asked me to minister to the saints at a mid-week meeting in our assembly. The date of May 24, 1986 is engraved on my heart as being that moment when, in His grace, the Lord enabled me to put behind me the darkness and despair, and restored to me the sacred charge of being His servant in the Work. I have also learned that His yoke is easy and His burden is light, and that as we learn of Him, and become like Him, we will find rest indeed for our souls.
There are some lessons that I learned in this experience that I would like to leave with you, particularly with younger believers with career decisions in mind.
Each person has limited time and talent, and it must be directed primarily to the service of God (Rom. 12:1). One cannot attain to the higher levels of this world’s systems and expect to be able to attend the things of God with singular devotion.
Younger and middle-aged men must make courageous decisions to consciously limit themselves in their business career in order to hold themselves available for God. The reason that many of our assemblies are embracing a full-time pastor arrangement, is because talented men with God-given gift are entangled inextricably in the business world, and their gift is lost to the service of God among His people.
If one finds oneself placed in a position where excessive demands are being made to the detriment of one’s spiritual life and service for God, the only option available is to take the steps necessary to be released from this situation, in the knowledge that the Lord will take care of the consequences. “Them that honor Me I will honor, and they that despise Me, I will lightly esteem.”
May the Lord use this testimony to the blessing of some who are passing through a dark valley at this time, and others who are making critical decisions with regard to their career that will affect their entire spiritual future and the well-being of the assemblies of His people.